Courage on the table


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What happens when you wake up one morning and your life is threatened?

You find yourself feeling like you have been thrown under a bus; that’s what. All of a sudden everything begins to spiral out of control – there is something trying to kill you and no one knows what it is. This is the second time in my life that this has happened, I know what you’re thinking……”what?!”

So what happens next?

Well I ended up at the emergency room, somebody help me written all over my face. How did something this small turn into something this big and so quickly? My face was swelling up by the second. I was in so much pain I could have hit every high note in an opera. I was terrified of everything and everyone around me, its safe to say that I was not feeling relaxed.

I ended up finally being seen by a Doctor; by this point I’d had so many holes poked in me looking for a viable vein that I thought that the nurse was about to win tickets at a fair. I had watched my own life’s blood shoot across the room twice, if that was not a good attempt I don’t know what is. I wanted to hand the woman a pink fluffy bear and say Well done!

I was admitted

I felt like I was being committed, rather. I was transferred via ambulance to a little private hospital where I would await my fate…..

The ambulance was very small inside and think I now know how a sausage feels when it first enters its packaging.

It was agonising waiting to see the Surgeon. Yes; I was going to be seen by a bloody  Surgeon of all people. This was apparently not a job for some small-fry Doctor; not any more!  My heart was pounding in my feet, my face was trying to strangle me ever so slowly at the same time. Why is this happening to me?! my mind was screaming as he walked in the door.

I was evaluated

He did not know what it is!

I was put on some really strong IV antibiotics and pain medication and he took the “wait and see” approach……..

Call me stupid, but this seldom works. A mole-rat could tell you this and he would be right on the money.

Day two

“Are you any better yet?”

“Um…..NO,” I said. I think I was trying to smile at this point but I’m sure I was grimacing.

So he wrote up a script to have an ultrasound…

You see; when you don’t know what something is… it’s always best to ask somebody else…..

I could not sleep a wink, this thing was getting bigger and bigger and the alien was about to pop out of me any second! The pain medication was like falling down a flight of stairs; when you first lunge forward you think you can fly, but in a very short while you hit the ground and everything is screaming in agony and you think you are dead.

Day three

The nurses had temperaments of jail wardens. Never in my life did I feel like more of a pain in someone else’s ass.  You know; when you hear the saying “go big or go home” well, my face was really big but I just wanted to go home.

I was in no such luck and the little ambulance arrived a second time to cart me off to Radiology. To anyone who has never had something trying to erupt from their face will not know how it feels to be stared and gawked at by queues of people. I felt like I was the bearded lady in a special guest appearance, in a show no one wanted to miss.  I had not had pain medication in too many hours and I had to take a seat in waiting room full of people. The rare hideous insect in a jar…. this was me and I was being studied. 

After finally having the ultrasound done I had to wait for the little sausage van to come and pick me up. I’d not had a cigarette in three days and I ended up bawling my eyes out and dragging harder on one in the parking lot like my life depended on it. The news was not good and the alien would be removed the very next day…..

I was going to have surgery! (insert screams here)

Day four

I had by now not slept in so long that I was beginning to forget what I’d forgotten. The pain was so bad I wanted to grapple somebody into doing it and no I did not care who they were. I’d not been able to eat solids in three, going on four days. I was exhausted and at my most miserable I have ever been in my entire life and I wanted to choke slam a nurse for a smoke. Terrified is not the word to use in this situation for what I was feeling only has scribbles to express its true meaning.

Sixteen bags of antibiotics had unleashed themselves into my body and had done absolutely nothing. This was a job for a scalpel and there was no avoiding it…..


I was wheeled out of my room and taken to the place that is feared more often than hell. This alien was not going to let me out of its grips alive.

I flat-lined on the table and they brought me back. I had faced my biggest fear and the alien had been ripped from my face; I WAS ALIVE!!!!!!

I came around gasping for air feeling like I’d just conquered the world. I had conquered death and I lived.

I found courage on the table that day; courage at a second chance at life I almost never had.

Small victories can be found in the rarest of places. Broken crayons still colour.

Be triumphant always.









Shiny Butts Drive Me Nuts

Why is this a fashion trend?

It seems to me that the world will stop dead in their tracks and stare in awe at someone’s behind. Are there not more important things to look at or consider?

Our world is falling apart around us at this present time, wars being fought, people being injured and killed but the butt is somehow the focus of the media? Just because it belongs to someone famous.

Then to make matters a lot worse there are rival images of other celebrities baring their behinds, as if to say “Look at mine!”

Come on society! You are losing your grip on life when matters such as these become the “butt” of every share on social media. Let’s focus once again on our lives and what is truly important.

A shiny “ass” doesn’t make my day, it shouldn’t make yours either.  

No More “I Hate You’s”


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Hate is an overused term:

People use it today for the slightest thing. Children yell it full force at their parents whilst slamming their doors. It’s everywhere on social media and it’s growing in popularity every day.

How is it used?

It’s used to describe food, clothing and events. The most common and worst use, is when people use it to hurt the people they love. It’s become a weapon to inflict pain, and is more readily wielded to stab at someone who may not agree with the way we think. When we can’t get our own way with something, it’s the first word we draw from our arsenal and fire it at will. At the time it’s said in anger but I believe the full meaning of the word is not meant, this doesn’t change the effects upon the recipient and the hurt and pain they feel as a cause is catastrophic.

Pick your enemy wisely:

In a world where hatred fluctuates like tidal waves we are losing the true meaning behind love. Love is far less used and its true meaning is diminishing daily. How can love be trusted when hatred is being flung about in the very next sentence? The word hate has ability to destroy the most beautiful relationships, it can successfully rip it apart and leave behind ruins in its path.

It is far better to choose to hate situations or things than the people we love, for the word hate has a very nasty way of existing long past the time of anger and continues to live on forever in broken hearts.

Set Your Life On Fire

Boxed Humans:

When we take a good look at the human species, we see a set of beings that are capable of incredible things. We have evolved from the Stone Age and managed to arrive to where we are today through the instrumental ability to learn. Everything we know and use in our daily lives came to life by the minds of somebody, that person went through trial and error in order to perfect the idea; to make it possible. Others have taken an idea and fashioned it into new ones. This has all been achieved through the Art of learning, something we do everyday, but which many take for granted.

When we put ourselves into boxes by saying “Oh, I can’t do that because..” we are limiting ourselves, and caging our abilities according to our mind-set. We have ability to learn new skills everyday!

What are we really?

We are problem solvers and rational thinkers, we are inventors of the written word and of our own lives. We create friendships, relationships, homes and connections with strangers every day of our lives. We are advisor’s and confidants, helpers and care takers. We are dreamers and  farmers of  ideas. We are capable of anything we put our minds to.

What I’m really saying is:

Don’t limit yourself. It’s that simple; if you only know how to do something with certain tools, try something else with new tools. Learn a skill you have always wanted to know. Your brain is not limited, if you have the will.

Learn something new and set your life on fire.

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Wings Of Inspiration

Finding Daily Inspiration:

Finding our daily inspiration is often as elusive as this little bird. (see image below)

What is inspiration, and why do we need it in our everyday lives?

Some of us just need a reason to get up every morning, whilst others need something positive to think about.

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It gives us reason for living, it builds our spirits and gives us a lust for life.

Is it something we need?

Yes, I believe it is. No matter what your life is like at the moment, the happiest people are the one’s who seek inspiration in their daily lives. They have a hunger and thirst to find it, and it becomes as a very good tool to fight depression. People use it in different ways. If you write or design, if you paint or draw, inspiration becomes a part of your daily life. Ideas spark when we look to inspiration to help us with our tasks at hand.

Where is it found?

My advice to this is:

  • Look to the things you love, people or animals and things you like to do.
  • Reading is a great form of inspiration and it’s one I use often.
  • Movies and Television, perhaps watching a great movie will inspire positivity for you.
  • Social Media, if used correctly can also work well. There are many inspirational sites on social networks, seek them out and let them work for you.


Inspiration can flutter in at the most unexpected times; perhaps when we are doing something, at these rare moments harness it and use it in your life.

Discover the beauty that has been lost in this world, and let it drive you towards success and happiness.

Positive In A Negative Life

Why is it so hard?

Well, that is an easy question to answer. It’s so hard because we are human beings, we live in a world where everything we say or do is on display and judged by the multitudes. There is always someone out there, like a vulture, just waiting to swoop in and give you the news that You are wrong. Bad things happen to us and our dreams become shattered in an instant.

The Truth is:

That above all else, we have forgotten how to make ourselves happy, we expect other people to do it for us. We expect that something or someone must remove the heartache from our hearts and fix the broken parts of our lives. We try to fill voids in our lives with objects and people. Sometimes the most precious people to us are left; forgotten like an old toy that was left outside in the rain. It doesn’t take much to upset the delicate balance of our unique lives but when it becomes disrupted, everything comes crashing down around us.

So how do we become Positive?

It’s a journey we have to travel on our own. There is nothing that can rise up and just make you happy, you have to do it by yourself. Many people will argue that happiness isn’t a personal decision, but when you take a look at those who are genuinely happy and you ask them: “How do you do it?” they reply to that and say that they just decided to. They have made up their minds to seek happiness and become grateful with what they have; it is enough and they see themselves as  good enough.

It seems as though the world has a disastrous way of  breaking our spirits, yes we need help and support from loved ones, but it is ultimately our role to pick ourselves up when we become defeated and get back on that horse.


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As Lost As Sunsets

Why is it that so many people have low self-esteem?

We grow up in a very unforgiving and judgemental society. Almost everything we face, whether it be on the Television or in social media, people are trend setting all the time. Many of those trends have disastrous outcomes, especially for the youths, who cannot discern the difference between a trend for the sake of it, or one that could lead to a hazardous outcome. Some do not care even if they can see the difference, the pull of popularity and acceptance even the scores and it becomes a risk they will to take.


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What do these trends do?

These trends make people want to follow suite, why? because it’s what people do. We follow each other by example and want acceptance by our peers. We want other people to like us, look up to us and think that what we have managed to do is cool, we lose our individuality and we become moulded by the rest of society.

What happens when we fail?

When we cannot compete we lose the respect of others in those groups, we get depressed and frustrated with ourselves. We get shamed for not being able to conform. If everybody in that social group has lost ‘X’ number of pounds to fit into what is known publicly and globally as beautiful, we feel ugly and end up with a poor body image. The names people call you, stick with you forever and you eventually end up believing what others say about you. Those voices become the voice inside your head, the most destructive one we will ever listen to.

Bottom Line:

It is my opinion that we should not give up who we are and what we love for the sake of what’s in fashion, fashions fade as quickly as a sunsets brilliant colours that sketch across the sky. It’s simply not worth the heartache of losing who we are. We are all good at different things, we love the world through our own eyes. We leave behind pieces of ourselves in everything we do.

Now, that is magic. Follow your dreams instead of the ideals of others; it is the very best choice you can make.

The Mind’s Marbles

The most beautiful words ever written have ability to make us feel things:

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From nothingness, streets and cities evolve from the ground up and characters are born. Simple black inky font on a screen or page, letter-by-letter, placed next to one another form Words. These words placed side-by-side have the magical power to create worlds in our minds, like a glass blower, moulding marbles with specialised tools; breathing life into them and suspending them from strings in the abyss.

As we hang on every word the Author has written, we create spectacular images from the guide they have placed before us; not the same in every mind, but unique to our own imagination.

A writer is a Master of his own Art. Storytelling, if written well, can play  with the with the readers emotions. Relationships with the characters assemble and get broken within the ministries of good books.

Every sentence becomes scripture, as we descend upon on a journey with our eyes and brain. We sail treacherous seas with this boat of our mind. We fall in love with people we will never really get to meet. We discover secrets of far away lands, learn how people fall in love and learn how to love the written word.

It is here that the Author has succeeded in his quest, for he has painted his painting in ink.