Courage on the table

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What happens when you wake up one morning and your life is threatened?

You find yourself feeling like you have been thrown under a bus; that’s what. All of a sudden everything begins to spiral out of control – there is something trying to kill you and no one knows what it is. This is the second time in my life that this has happened, I know what you’re thinking……”what?!”

So what happens next?

Well I ended up at the emergency room, somebody help me written all over my face. How did something this small turn into something this big and so quickly? My face was swelling up by the second. I was in so much pain I could have hit every high note in an opera. I was terrified of everything and everyone around me, its safe to say that I was not feeling relaxed.

I ended up finally being seen by a Doctor; by this point I’d had so many holes poked in me looking for a viable vein that I thought that the nurse was about to win tickets at a fair. I had watched my own life’s blood shoot across the room twice, if that was not a good attempt I don’t know what is. I wanted to hand the woman a pink fluffy bear and say Well done!

I was admitted

I felt like I was being committed, rather. I was transferred via ambulance to a little private hospital where I would await my fate…..

The ambulance was very small inside and think I now know how a sausage feels when it first enters its packaging.

It was agonising waiting to see the Surgeon. Yes; I was going to be seen by a bloody  Surgeon of all people. This was apparently not a job for some small-fry Doctor; not any more!  My heart was pounding in my feet, my face was trying to strangle me ever so slowly at the same time. Why is this happening to me?! my mind was screaming as he walked in the door.

I was evaluated

He did not know what it is!

I was put on some really strong IV antibiotics and pain medication and he took the “wait and see” approach……..

Call me stupid, but this seldom works. A mole-rat could tell you this and he would be right on the money.

Day two

“Are you any better yet?”

“Um…..NO,” I said. I think I was trying to smile at this point but I’m sure I was grimacing.

So he wrote up a script to have an ultrasound…

You see; when you don’t know what something is… it’s always best to ask somebody else…..

I could not sleep a wink, this thing was getting bigger and bigger and the alien was about to pop out of me any second! The pain medication was like falling down a flight of stairs; when you first lunge forward you think you can fly, but in a very short while you hit the ground and everything is screaming in agony and you think you are dead.

Day three

The nurses had temperaments of jail wardens. Never in my life did I feel like more of a pain in someone else’s ass.  You know; when you hear the saying “go big or go home” well, my face was really big but I just wanted to go home.

I was in no such luck and the little ambulance arrived a second time to cart me off to Radiology. To anyone who has never had something trying to erupt from their face will not know how it feels to be stared and gawked at by queues of people. I felt like I was the bearded lady in a special guest appearance, in a show no one wanted to miss.  I had not had pain medication in too many hours and I had to take a seat in waiting room full of people. The rare hideous insect in a jar…. this was me and I was being studied. 

After finally having the ultrasound done I had to wait for the little sausage van to come and pick me up. I’d not had a cigarette in three days and I ended up bawling my eyes out and dragging harder on one in the parking lot like my life depended on it. The news was not good and the alien would be removed the very next day…..

I was going to have surgery! (insert screams here)

Day four

I had by now not slept in so long that I was beginning to forget what I’d forgotten. The pain was so bad I wanted to grapple somebody into doing it and no I did not care who they were. I’d not been able to eat solids in three, going on four days. I was exhausted and at my most miserable I have ever been in my entire life and I wanted to choke slam a nurse for a smoke. Terrified is not the word to use in this situation for what I was feeling only has scribbles to express its true meaning.

Sixteen bags of antibiotics had unleashed themselves into my body and had done absolutely nothing. This was a job for a scalpel and there was no avoiding it…..

Conclusion

I was wheeled out of my room and taken to the place that is feared more often than hell. This alien was not going to let me out of its grips alive.

I flat-lined on the table and they brought me back. I had faced my biggest fear and the alien had been ripped from my face; I WAS ALIVE!!!!!!

I came around gasping for air feeling like I’d just conquered the world. I had conquered death and I lived.

I found courage on the table that day; courage at a second chance at life I almost never had.

Small victories can be found in the rarest of places. Broken crayons still colour.

Be triumphant always.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wings Of Inspiration

Finding Daily Inspiration:

Finding our daily inspiration is often as elusive as this little bird. (see image below)

What is inspiration, and why do we need it in our everyday lives?

Some of us just need a reason to get up every morning, whilst others need something positive to think about.

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It gives us reason for living, it builds our spirits and gives us a lust for life.

Is it something we need?

Yes, I believe it is. No matter what your life is like at the moment, the happiest people are the one’s who seek inspiration in their daily lives. They have a hunger and thirst to find it, and it becomes as a very good tool to fight depression. People use it in different ways. If you write or design, if you paint or draw, inspiration becomes a part of your daily life. Ideas spark when we look to inspiration to help us with our tasks at hand.

Where is it found?

My advice to this is:

• Look to the things you love, people or animals and things you like to do.
• Reading is a great form of inspiration and it’s one I use often.
• Movies and Television, perhaps watching a great movie will inspire positivity for you.
• Social Media, if used correctly can also work well. There are many inspirational sites on social networks, seek them out and let them work for you.

Lastly:

Inspiration can flutter in at the most unexpected times; perhaps when we are doing something, at these rare moments harness it and use it in your life.

Discover the beauty that has been lost in this world, and let it drive you towards success and happiness.

Positive In A Negative Life

Why is it so hard?

Well, that is an easy question to answer. It’s so hard because we are human beings, we live in a world where everything we say or do is on display and judged by the multitudes. There is always someone out there, like a vulture, just waiting to swoop in and give you the news that You are wrong. Bad things happen to us and our dreams become shattered in an instant.

The Truth is:

That above all else, we have forgotten how to make ourselves happy, we expect other people to do it for us. We expect that something or someone must remove the heartache from our hearts and fix the broken parts of our lives. We try to fill voids in our lives with objects and people. Sometimes the most precious people to us are left; forgotten like an old toy that was left outside in the rain. It doesn’t take much to upset the delicate balance of our unique lives but when it becomes disrupted, everything comes crashing down around us.

So how do we become Positive?

It’s a journey we have to travel on our own. There is nothing that can rise up and just make you happy, you have to do it by yourself. Many people will argue that happiness isn’t a personal decision, but when you take a look at those who are genuinely happy and you ask them: “How do you do it?” they reply to that and say that they just decided to. They have made up their minds to seek happiness and become grateful with what they have; it is enough and they see themselves as  good enough.

It seems as though the world has a disastrous way of  breaking our spirits, yes we need help and support from loved ones, but it is ultimately our role to pick ourselves up when we become defeated and get back on that horse.

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As Lost As Sunsets

Why is it that so many people have low self-esteem?

We grow up in a very unforgiving and judgemental society. Almost everything we face, whether it be on the Television or in social media, people are trend setting all the time. Many of those trends have disastrous outcomes, especially for the youths, who cannot discern the difference between a trend for the sake of it, or one that could lead to a hazardous outcome. Some do not care even if they can see the difference, the pull of popularity and acceptance even the scores and it becomes a risk they will to take.

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What do these trends do?

These trends make people want to follow suite, why? because it’s what people do. We follow each other by example and want acceptance by our peers. We want other people to like us, look up to us and think that what we have managed to do is cool, we lose our individuality and we become moulded by the rest of society.

What happens when we fail?

When we cannot compete we lose the respect of others in those groups, we get depressed and frustrated with ourselves. We get shamed for not being able to conform. If everybody in that social group has lost ‘X’ number of pounds to fit into what is known publicly and globally as beautiful, we feel ugly and end up with a poor body image. The names people call you, stick with you forever and you eventually end up believing what others say about you. Those voices become the voice inside your head, the most destructive one we will ever listen to.

Bottom Line:

It is my opinion that we should not give up who we are and what we love for the sake of what’s in fashion, fashions fade as quickly as a sunsets brilliant colours that sketch across the sky. It’s simply not worth the heartache of losing who we are. We are all good at different things, we love the world through our own eyes. We leave behind pieces of ourselves in everything we do.

Now, that is magic. Follow your dreams instead of the ideals of others; it is the very best choice you can make.

SPACE BAR: The Final Frontier

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Let’s start at the beginning: (it’s a very good place to start)

When you first enter the world of writing, you enter a world of strange and unfamiliar territory.

There are so many famous writers and Authors, and I thought to myself, “How do they do this?” 

How do they come up with all the stories they tell, where do the bloggers find the inspiration for their blogs and poetry?

So I set myself on a journey of discovery, I jumped online and navigated the Net. I browsed YouTube looking for videos on famous writers; exactly what were their little secrets? I needed to know.

What did I find?

I found that many of the great authors out there are just like you or I, yes, they have published books, and are famous but that’s besides the point. They are people who tell stories. They live lives just like ours, good and bad things happen to them every day. Many Authors cannot tell you where there stories come from, others write, based on events that happen in their lives. Sure, they have published books but they are normal everyday people.

My point is:

The fact that you are writing something, have written or are self-published, you are doing more than someone who is sitting there wishing they had the balls to begin. Be proud of your writing, your books or blogs.

Be proud of yourself for beginning, for it’s a very good place to start.